Thursday, September 18, 2008

Never Ask for Help on the Net

This is an example why
1. NEVER TRUST ANYONE on THE NET
,
2. NEVER BELIEVE ANYTHING SAID ON THE NET
and
3. NEVER REQUEST HELP ON THE NET.
THIS WAS WHAT HAPPENED.
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*Peter went to a popular forum and asked for help on the Net,
Peter started a new thread
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*not real name
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Peter:
"Well, this was from when I was a wee little tike and I need someone to fix the white spots (possibly blending?) and the corners so I can put it on a peice of photo paper to give it to my dad for his birthday. Please someone do it I will really appreciate it."


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Few hours later
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Ghosts : Piece, not peice


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Few hours later
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Peter: Sorry I'm in a hurry and that wasn't necessarily helpful, please guys i really need it.


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Few hours later
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JethroTheCunt:


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Few hours later
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Peter: Your not funny this picture means a bunch and i missed my father's birthday so i need to do this for him but i can't photoshop. so will someone who isn't a fucking dick help me?



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Few hours later
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Jimbomcb:



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Few hours later
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Peter: yo guys come on


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Few hours later
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Jimbomcb:



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Few hours later
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Peter: Oh jesus I gotta admit that really made me laugh. But seriously will some one help!?


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Few hours later
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Ghosts:
--

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Few hours later
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Ghost:
Alright here you go! No more white dots



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Few hours later
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Peter: YOU ARE ALL DICKS


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Few hours later
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Jimbomcb:
Thanks!!!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Tiger Pig Tiger Pig

In a zoo in California , a mother tiger gave birth to a rare set of triplet tiger cubs. Unfortunately, due to complications in the pregnancy, the cubs were born prematurely and due to their tiny size, they died shortly after birth.
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The mother tiger after recovering from the delivery, suddenly started to decline in health, although physically she was fine. The veterinarians felt that the loss of her litter had caused the tigress to fall into a depression.
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The doctors decided that if the tigress could surrogate another mother's cubs, perhaps she would improve.After checking with many other zoos across the country, the depressing news was that there were no tiger cubs of the right age to introduce to the mourning mother.
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The veterinarians decided to try something that had never been tried in a zoo environment.
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Sometimes a mother of one species will take on the care of a different species. The only 'orphans' that could be found quickly, were a litter of weanling pigs. The zoo keepers and vets wrapped the piglets in tiger skin and placed the babies around the mother tiger.
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These are the result
Take a look .. you won't believe your eyes!
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Now, please tell me one more time ... why can't the rest of the world get along?



Sunday, September 14, 2008

Dickhead in pool alert

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~~~~~~~~~~
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THERE's a DICKHEAD IN THE F********KING POOL...
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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Asian Facts



YOU KNOW YOU ARE INDONESIAN IF...

(I know I shouldn't put this pic, but isn't it funny!!?? lolz)
1. when u talk really fast, with rapid tongue movements

2. when u wear thongs or sandals everywhere, yes even in winter!
3. following above, always get bagged for wearing sandals

4. mi goreng is in the top 5 of your favourite foods

5. if you love taking photo studio pics

6. you like travelling in big group of friends, and talking VERY loudly Irrespective of your surroundings

7. almost a weekly ritual to go to church

YOU KNOW YOU ARE JAPANESE IF...

(I was tempted to put jap porn pic...hmmm)


1. You're obsessed with you hair, your car, and your clothes

2. You want to marry a Korean American or Chinese American woman (males);or you want to marry a white guy (females)

3. You're afraid of black people

4. You only drive Japanese cars

5. You know you are superior to all other Asians


YOU KNOW YOU ARE KOREAN IF...


1. You smoke and drink too much


2. You wear pink Polo collar shirts, have loose beige pants, and have blonde highlights in your hair

3. You know what a Dalki, Pucca or Mashimaro is

4. You're afraid of black people

5. You drive a Hyundai even though you won't admit it

6. You know you are superior to all other Asians


YOU KNOW YOU ARE CHINESE IF...


1. You think you're the smartest people in the world

2. You have a mobile with you at all times

3. You know the abbreviation of a.b.c.

4. Today's steamed rice is tomorrow's fried rice

5. You're afraid of black people

6. A bicycle was a good form of transport before

7. You know you are superior to all other Asians


YOU KNOW YOU ARE VIETNAMESE IF...


1. You MUST have fish sauce with every meal

2. You eat at a restaurant that has "Pho" on the signage

3. Guys wear green microfibre pants with Nike sneakers, and girls wear their flared black pants over their high sole shoes

4. You know the abbreviation of f.o.b.

5. You have some relative who is Chinese

6. Cabramatta makes you feel home sick

7. You're afraid of black people

8. You're fond of 2nd hand Japanese import cars

9. You know you are superior to all other Asians


YOU KNOW YOU ARE FILIFINO IF...


1. You want to be a dancer, a singer, or an actor, even though you have a day job as a nurse, an engineer or a accountant


2. A member of your family back home is a politician or a movie star or knows one


3. Guys with jeans and white sneakers anyone


4. You're always late for any engagement, and practice the art of Philo time


5. You're not afraid of black people; in fact, you wish you were black

6. You love your Toyota's and Honda's

7. You don't care if you are superior to all other Asians or not, because being Philipino is just cool in itself


YOU KNOW YOU ARE THAI IF...


1. No matter what you eat, it's not greasy or spicy enough

2. You mum seems to work out at the local gym

3. Without glasses your eyes would be the size of ants

4. You're not afraid of black people, because in some cases you're just as dark as they are

5. Any car dump to the **** house is good

6. You know in your heart that you will never be superior to all other Asians, but you've learned to live with it


YOU KNOW YOU ARE MALAYSIAN IF...


1. You believe everything the Government tells you

2. But are willing to change your mind if someone slips you $50

3. The whole world (and Soros) is out to suppress you and your country.

4. You think that Abdullah will be around in 2020

5. You welcome all people (be they black or otherwise) who invest in the MSC

6. You think you are superior to most other Asians, but $50 can change that too
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YOU KNOW YOU ARE SINGAPOREAN IF...
1. You eat, sleep, have sex and smile according to the policies stipulated by the Government in the Red Book they gave you when you were born

2. The Red Book does not state that you have to be afraid of black people so you aren't

3. You know you are superior to all other Asians, because it says so in the Red Book

4. You speak with 'lah' at the end of each sentence no matter if it is English.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE ASIAN AUSTRALIAN IF...
1. You regret the fact that you did not learn Mandarin or other Asian language properly in Saturday language school

2. You say you're Australian, totally forgetting your roots

3. During childhood you didn't have much Asian friends, played bullrush or handball and ate 'sunny boys' for lunch

4. A form of choosing was done by ' dip.dip dog ****

5. You know you have to shop at an Asian grocery store but you have no idea what you are buying nor can you read any of the food labels

6. You cheer for Australia during the Olympics, know local Australian bands, and know what a Vb is

7. You can speak fluent English without an accent

8. Know what a Commodore and Falcon are. Yes..... they are cars!

9. You know you are superior to all other Asians, despite the fact that hey beat you in Maths in the VCE, can speak an Asian language fluently and know what they are buying in Asian grocery stores

TOP TEN REASONS WHY THERE WON'T BE AN ASIAN PRESIDENT ANYTIME SOON 1. White House not big enough for in-laws

2. Engineering, medicine, and law always preferred over politics

3. Oval Office has bad feng shui

4. Can't find decent roast duck inside the beltway

5. Secret service can't handle nagging from mother

6. Dignitaries are generally intimidated by chopsticks at state dinners

7. No chance for promotion

8. Lactose intolerance not considered politically correct

9. Senior aides won't take off shoes before coming in

10. Air Force One: No frequent flyer miles


HOW TO BE THE PERFECT ASIAN PARENTS (From the second generation
perspective)


1. Be a little more lenient on the 7:00 p.m. curfew

2. Don't ask where the other point went when your child comes home with grade on his/her report card

3. Don't "ai-yah" loudly at your kid's dress habits

4. Don't blatantly hint about the merits of Habad (Harvard), Yeil(Yale),Purinsiton (Princeton), or Stamfud (Stanford).
5. Don't reveal all the intimate details of your kid's life to the entire Asian community

6. Don't ask your child, "What are you going to do with your life?" if he/she majors in a non-science field

7. Don't give your son a bowl haircut or your daughter two acres of bangs

8. Don't try to set your kid up on a date in anticipation of their poor taste or inept social skills

9. Incorporate other phrases besides, "Did you study yet?" or "When are you getting married?" into your daily conversations with your children

10. Don't ask all your kid's friends over the age of 21 if they have a boy/girl friend yet

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50 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU'RE AN "ASIAN" (*The NEW List from the 1st to 1.5 Generation Perspective*) 1. You were/are a good student with very high GPAs.


2. You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or finance.

3. You have more than one-college degree, especially more than one Master's.

4. If you play a musical instrument, it must be piano.

5. You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table.

6. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil.

7. Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it.

8. You beat eggs with chopsticks.

9. You always leave outdoor shoes at the door.

10. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack.

11. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.

12. You boil water before drinking.

13. You eat all meals in the kitchen to keep your dining room clean.

14. You don't use measuring cups when preparing foods.

15. You save grocery bags and use them to hold garbage.

16. You have a rice cooker.

17. You're a wok user.

18. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

19. You wash rice 2-3 times before cooking it.

20. You make sounds when you have a bowl of soup.


21. You don't dry-clean clothes, even if they need to be dry-cleaned.

22. You iron your own shirts.


23. You like congee with thousand year old eggs.


24. You always cook yourself, even if you hate it.>

25. You use credit cards, and pay monthly bills in full.

26. You do either soccer, swimming, badminton, volleyball, basketball, or ping pong, and have an obsession with making the Beijing Olympics.

27. You buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off.

28. When you hand wash dishes, you only use cold water.

29. You hate to waste food:
a) Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them.
b) You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.

30. You wrap your remote controls in cling wrap

31. You don't own any real Tupperware-only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars.

32. When toilet paper is on sale, you buy 100 rolls and store them.

33. You have a collection of miniature shampoo/conditioner bottles and little soap bars that you take every time you stay in a hotel.

34. The condiments in your fridge are either Price Club sized or come in plastic packets, which you save every time you get take out or go to McDonald's.

35. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).

36. You spit bones and other food scraps on the table.

37. Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself.

38. When you go to a dance party, there is always a group of guys surrounding the dance floor trying to look cool.

39. Your house/apartment is always cold in winter, and hot in summer.

40. Your Mom drives her Mercedes to Foodtown, or Shoppers Food Warehouse regardless how far it is, even if the dairy is next door.

41. You always look phone numbers up in the phone book, since calling Directory Assistance costs 50 cents.

42. You only make long distance calls after 11pm or during weekends.

43. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached.

44. You never call your parents just to say hi.

45. You think ONLY Japanese can make good CARS!

46. You use a colored face cloth every morning.

47. You starve yourself before going to all-you-can-eat places.

48. Almost all your money is in a savings account

49. You never discuss your love life with your parents.

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST:
50. You take this message and forward it to all your Asian friends From a proud Asian to another, and will forward this to every Asian you know.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Some "FACTS" for you all



If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)


The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)


A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I definitely want to be a pig.)


A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
(Creepy.) (I'm still not over the pig.)


Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour
(Don't try this at home,maybe at work)


The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?!)


The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)


The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds
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(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)


Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)


Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)


The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm......)


Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)


Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)


A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)


An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
( I know some people like that.)


Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)


Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)


Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure
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(What about that pig??)


And God love that pig!

Colourful Crap

THIS IS SOME COLOURFUL CRAP TO BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY!!!
ENJOY!~!


Mug Cake

5 Minute Chocolate Mug Cake
you'll need
4 tbsp Cake flour
4 tbsp SUGAR
2 tbsp cocoa
1 Egg
3 tbsp oil
3 tbsp chocolate drops
1 MUG



here's what you do
Add dry ingredients to the mug and mix well

Crack an egg and add it to your mug. Be sure to mix it well to avoid any pockets of flour in the corner

Pour in the milk and oil and mix well

add the chocolate drops if you've got them, and a splash of vanilla essence too.
Pop your mug into the microwave and zap for 3 minutes on maximum power (1000watt)

Wait until the cake stops rising, and sets in the mug.

If necessary, run a knife around the sides of the mug, and tip the still warm cake out of the mug and onto a saucer.
(looks like something out of animal's butt)


Sit back and enjoy with a coffee -

YOU DESERVE IT.